Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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