i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Still dying that you shit outside
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
