I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
