margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
