Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
