and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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