goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
