bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
