what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
