i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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