I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There r osticjed everywhere
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
false alarm, still single
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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