Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
