He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
