she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
