Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
