dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
