he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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