So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
