it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
