The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
