It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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