Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
