and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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