I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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