Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
