Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
