Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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