i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
