Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
