I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
