upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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