The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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