I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
