Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
