remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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