I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
