I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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