when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
