Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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