Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
