The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
