am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
