Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
