i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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