Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
