Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
