we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
