I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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