yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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