He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
