Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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