Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
