Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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