I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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