I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I have post one night stand depression
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
