): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
