you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
