I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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