You just made me feel so damn special
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
