Your face is a jimmy john
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
