Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
