A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
