Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
